Another principle of living with purpose is freedom from possessiveness. This freedom is multi-layered: you become free of the gross addictions and dependencies on material objects and, at a much deeper level, you become free of labeling yourself and others. We either proudly display or hide from every label, diagnosis, or title that we acquire in life. In order to attain this fifth principle, it is necessary to transcend all forms of gathering objects and labels -- external and internal. The principle of "non-possessiveness" has two aspects: a worldly part and a personal identity part. Everyone has an aunt or uncle who is a packrat, constantly gathering every small trinket from the world. The first aspect of non-possessiveness involves reducing your attachment to worldly goods that may hinder your journey to joy. The second aspect is the way we "possess" our identity. Some people are very attached to their identity as a bodybuilder, a sports car owner, or a millionaire. This kind of possessiveness can also limit your happiness.
The secret to mastering the principle of non-possessiveness is to perfect the art of non-acceptance. This means that you no longer accept anything that delays or detours your journey. Non-possessiveness means not letting the people and objects in your life possess you. In non-acceptance, it is perfectly fine to have worldly possessions as long as they do not hinder your happiness. It is wonderful to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company as long as it brings joy and not misery. This is the art of non-acceptance. Non-acceptance is a practical approach to living your life. When your happiness is reliant on the physical objects of the world, it is subject to decay and destruction. All objects can break or be taken; this is why happiness must be found within. Therefore, you can learn to recognize the objects that limit your ability to find inner happiness and choose better options. One such example is a plasma-screen television.
For some of my patients, if I gave them a new plasma television, they would never accomplish any contemplation, meditation, reading, or self-study. Instead, they would spend their entire free time in front of the television. For these patients, a plasma television would definitely hinder their progress toward happiness. In the spirit of non-acceptance, sometimes you must reject material objects. Non-acceptance also offers some solutions for overcoming issues of identity and labeling. Any label or identity that does not enhance your self-respect or self-development should be ignored. A seemingly harmless joke and a teacher's label changed my childhood for the worse. Years later, I now fully understand the power and damage labeling can cause. Do not label yourself and do not label others.
Nick, one of my dearest patients, came to me with terrible news. He had suffered a brain stem injury due to a fall at work and the doctor's prognosis was not good. In fact, the doctors told him that he had an irreversible condition causing his brain to be imbalanced. Nick was devastated and frightened. Ever since his accident he had migraines, changing moods and strange food allergies that caused him to lose almost all of his body fat. At the brink of hopelessness, he came to my doorstep. For almost two years he had been slowly deteriorating mentally and physically. His diet had become so restricted, due to his allergies, that he was only eating fish. When I began to discuss his prognosis with him, he was very grim and gloomy. I immediately realized exactly what had happened and his next year of office visits with me proved it to be true.
Nick had become a victim of his own diagnosis to the extent that he believed his physician despite the fact that his physician could not pinpoint his exact condition. Even after I treated him homeopathically and his allergies and migraines were cured, he still believed that his brain was not functioning and that he was doomed. His mind could simply not accept the fact that he was steadily improving. Slowly, over the course of many months, his experience and our discussions fostered the idea of being completely healthy again.
There is an old joke in medicine that says, "What do you do when your doctor tells you that you have three weeks to live?" The answer is, "Get another doctor." To search for other options and insights is not to disregard the first doctor. But in the search for happiness, the principle of non-acceptance teaches you to only accept that information which is helpful to your self-growth and self-esteem. In Nick's case, he needed to get another opinion and he needed to have someone tell him that healing was a possibility. Instead, he had completely changed his identity into being this fellow with an incurable disease. Years later, Nick slowly shifted his identity and his behavior back to being a healthy individual. His healing continues today.
Once you have a firm understanding of the principle of non-acceptance, then non-possessiveness is easy and comes naturally. You will no longer accept anything that can threaten your happiness and wholeness. At this stage of understanding, you cannot be bribed by charms or promises because you know what is helpful for your own self-development. Remember that non-possessiveness does not mean giving away all your worldly goods and living in poverty. It means not becoming overly infatuated with the objects of the world and your self identity. Everything in this world is here for you to use. But use it graciously as a guest - don't clutch it desperately like a beggar.
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