Some emotional problems of divorce offer no easy options - when people are under stress, they have a tendency to revert to their base, survival behaviors. That can result in excessive drinking, shouting matches, and other bad scenes. If someone tends to be absent-minded, selfish, or nagging, these tendencies will probably be exaggerated when a marriage is ending.
During divorce, couples are facing the psychological task of separating, and consciously or unconsciously search for ways to break their connection to each other. During courtship, partners do everything feasible to develop the relationship, while in divorce, power goes into destroying it. The tension, coupled with these "relationship destroying" behaviors, creates many of the horror stories of divorce.
The sweet irrational gestures of romance are reversed by the equally ridiculous acts of "vengeance" during separation. Perhaps that will help you understand why your spouse is behaving so badly toward you - even if you thought you'd have a "civilized divorce."
Being ready for the actions of someone who is determined to cut off any connection to you - by wiping out the checking account, running off to another state, or ruining the family's credit - can help you short-circuit potential damage.
Seeing bizarre behavior within the framework of the separation process might help you take it less personally. You might even find you are more detached from the short-term drama of divorce and as a result better able to concentrate on the long-term money questions that are important to you.
Most likely, you'll encounter a wide range of feelings and moods: anger, hatred, elation, excitement, sadness, loss, depression, bitterness, rejection, loneliness, guilt, and hostility. Occasionally it will really feel as although you're experiencing those feelings all at once. In fact, the "all at once" phenomenon seems to be component of the money crazies of divorce.
You may also feel that everything is coming apart all at once. Just as soon as you get the car fixed, the washer or the stove breaks down. One explanation is that you merely notice problems more simply because of your stressed state.
Moreover, by the time most people separate, an excellent deal of their energy has been focused on the relationship - not on the regular chores that can keep a household running. You might not be in the mood to defrost the refrigerator or verify the oil in the car as typical. That lack of maintenance can catch up with you as the machinery in your life begins breaking down.
The all at once syndrome in divorce can manifest itself in other methods as well. Some people determine that while they're changing a mate, they ought to change everything else in their lives as well. They attempt to lose weight, quit smoking, get a new job, and redecorate the house, all at exactly the same time. Give yourself time. Go slowly. You'll have your hands full just getting via the divorce.
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Note: This article was sent to us by: Dean Ruttfield at 01172011
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