John Lennon wrote that in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make. It is important for your long-term mental wellbeing and physical health to have a wide circle of friends. Researchers have found that people with few or unsatisfactory personal relationships have four times the risk of early death as those with an active social life and satisfying friendships, even when other factors such as diet and exercise were considered.
Most often, your friends will be around the same age as you and probably share similar experiences, such as work choices or children. However, recognise that this will not always be the case: a friend does not have to be someone like you, he or she just has to be someone who likes you. It can be a boy or a girl, a teacher or a neighbour. Stop hurrying and rushing so fast and look around to notice the person who smiles at you in a certain way, or the child who prefers to sit next to you and let you be quiet.
For example, I treasured my friendship with my mother’s friend Kath, who was full of wry wisdom and always keen on discussing issues and exploring new ideas even though she was forty years older than me. I also love being friends with Miki, whose remarkably sensible, clear-eyed observations belie the fact that she’s only nine years old.
Having friends of all ages helps you to grow by providing different perspectives on life. If people have drifted away, join a professional association, book group or craft class to find people with whom you have something in common.
With the ease and accessibility of email and telephones, ‘snail mail’ has almost become a lost art. However, to sit and write even the briefest note or card by hand is a chance to make a much deeper and more intimate connection with another person. It’s a chance to express how you feel and to bring people together, both of which are critical to developing stress hardiness and a more balanced life. Use these simple rituals to reach out to others in a tangible way, and to give and receive love.
Write notes Use your best pen and stationery. Remember birthdays Write a letter or draw up a long scroll listing favourite memories of a friend and what they mean to you. Send it to them for their birthday. Add a little extra If you give someone a book, write a brief dedication on the front flap. Same goes for a poster or a painting.
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