Denial may not make sense to outsiders, but for sufferers it is a very powerful psychological tool used unconsciously to protect themselves from painful reality. It's not just that someone may refuse to see odd eating habits as a disorder - someone may also be using the eating disorder itself to deny a problem in other areas of life. If family troubles are causing turmoil, for example, food can become something to focus on and control instead.
Denial may be playing a role in those around a person with an eating disorder as well. Family members may just not want to see the problem, so they convince themselves there is no problem. Denial is made even easier when the person with the disorder seems to have everything else going well in her life. Many people who have eating disorders seem to be in complete control of their lives.
A parent whose child is getting good grades, is active in extracurricular activities, and is tidy and polite would understandably have a hard time admitting there was anything wrong. But of all the potential threats to someone with an eating disorder, the worst may be denial, since it slows access to treatment. This means that those close to someone with an eating disorder need to be able to recognize it and step in as necessary.
Denial is not the only powerful psychological force for hiding eating disorders. It's also true that people with eating disorders often work hard to keep the problem hidden. They keep their disordered patterns secret because the disorder is not so much about food, eating, and diets, as one teen in recovery puts it, but more about finding ways to escape painful feelings. Food is easier to control and manage than feelings, another says, and then the bad feelings that come from the eating problems also have to be covered up. To reveal the disorder means having to deal with those feelings, like anxiety, depression, and anger.
People with eating disorders often seem desperate to cling to them, no matter how physically destructive they are. Perhaps only someone "inside" an eating disorder can fully understand this intense psychological drive. If they are forced to give up their disordered eating, they would have to face what they don't want to. Maybe a family situation causes them pain.
Or they may fear growing up itself. Since anorexia does slow development in girls and can cause menstrual periods to stop in women, they can stay like "little girls" who don't have to deal with the problems of the world. This is not likely to be a conscious decision, but professionals learn that it is often an unconscious motivation when a young woman feels safer staying a child. A whole set of new feelings can develop during the course of a disorder itself. People with eating disorders describe a sense of both shame and pride. They may feel that they are "not good enough" - a feeling that self-criticism reinforces.
Those with eating disorders may also feel pride over being able to accomplish what others can't - to be thinner than anyone else, to exercise more, to "be perfect." This pride exists in the false sense of control they have over themselves - and over others, especially their parents. One girl talks about how she puts her mother down by calling her "just a worrier." Non-eating can be an effective way to control one's parents, for whom feeding is a prime concern. It's one area where kids of any age can "take charge," since it may be difficult to convince them to eat.
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