Thinking about painful things keeps you away from happiness


Most of us are accustomed to the idea of attachment to pleasurable objects and experiences and yet we commonly dwell on our mistakes more than our successes. Yoga and modern biochemistry discuss how the comfort of familiar habits may be stronger than the usefulness of the habit. This familiarity keeps us recalling and repeating unhelpful activities and unwanted impulses. The misery of perpetually doing that which we no longer wish to do, and yet feel helpless to stop, is brought to a halt through non-attachment.

"When a memory upsets you or thrills you, it is your attachment giving energy to your past. You can instantly neutralize the past with the power of non-attachment," advised the sage. John, like Jaigishavya , was drawn toward painful and disappointing memories of his past and yet the same images also engendered a sense of pleasure. The pleasure came from the comfort of something familiar, even though it was painful. The concern here was that John's attachment to such recollections might motivate him to act out the past again.

"Attachment," explained Avatya, "is like the nutrients a seed needs in order to sprout. Once you no longer provide these nutrients, the seeds of the past will lose their capacity to grow into destiny." John started to practice non-violence toward himself by loosening his fascination with the errors of his past. Over several months, he observed and corrected every instance where his intellect attempted to harm his emotions and ruin his self-esteem and confidence. Every time his unwanted memories of gambling or alcoholism came into his awareness, he redoubled his eff orts toward being kind to himself.

It was definitely not an easy task. No matter how many times his mind reminded him of his past faults, he continued to unconditionally love and accept himself. Finally, the day came when he was reunited with his children - an event that, while desired, he had also dreaded for many years. John's tale about his wonderful reunion and his children's acceptance of their long-lost father made him one of my favorite teachers of kindness. That kindness brought healing to years of confusion and hurt. I will always remember John as a symbol of nonviolence in action.

This first principle of self-transformation, non-violence, must begin with yourself. When you treat yourself with kindness, then you will naturally treat others with kindness. This was the lesson Panditji was teaching when he said, "Always reward yourself, never punish." Without weighing your merits and demerits, learn to find ways to make friends with your mind so that you only reward yourself and never punish yourself and you will have mastered this first principle.

Truthfulness is the second principle of living with purpose. Truthfulness lightens your burdens, boosts your spirits, and brings about the insights for a peaceful resolution. Truth is always inspiring, clarifying and immediately useful.

If being honest or truthful is violent to ourselves or to others, then it is not the truthfulness that the ancient sages described. Truth is always spoken in a way that quickens your journey to the goal of life. The "honest facts" are like readouts of technical data. They are barren facts not meant to contain any judgment or opinion. We commonly encounter such honesty when viewing the ledgers of our bank account or the instruction manual that helps us assemble our new bookcase.

When the ancient sages were teaching the concept of truthfulness, the value of kindness and the self-esteem of all parties involved were placed above hurtful honesty. In building and maintaining relationships, use the principle of truthfulness that is filled with love. I experimented with these two different viewpoints of truthfulness over and over. Sometimes they flowed smoothly in my life and at other times they were in harsh opposition to one another.

As a medical practitioner, I had to learn how to share the glaring results of a blood test in the most compassionate manner. When duty called me to be the bearer of bad news to my patients, my mind and my heart relied heavily on these first two principles of non-violence and truthfulness. As you experiment with them in your life, eventually you will find gentleness in your thought and speech that will allow you to deliver honest data in the most kind and caring manner.

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