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Scarcity of sex in the marriage
My husband (of 28 years) and I have not yet gotten back the physical part of our relationship. We're closer than ever emotionally and do not fight at all, but he hasn't gotten used to my new body, the scars and weight gain. We haven't given up yet, but it is hard. We're too young to have stopped having intercourse.
mtn woman
My sex drive has left the building and when it returns for a small showing it always seems to be when my husband is not ready, e.g., it's too early, the kids could come in, he's tired. Boy, I thought I would never hear some of those words out of his mouth. I am trying to get my meds adjusted so I can get a real sex drive with passion and everything that goes with it. I had a great recon as well tram f lap both sides, but he knows that they don't feel the same for me anymore and he doesn't enjoy them like he used to. It's funny that I can't enjoy the sun like I used to (skin breast cancer), can't enjoy sex like I used to (no drive/pain/dryness). So I look like a cut-up, pale, wrinkled ole plump woman that even in my dreams and this is true a guy refused to rape me because I looked so hideous.
Mel
The challenges of married life for those under forty
Your twenties and thirties are the years when you glow your skin is smooth and moist, your hair is plentiful, and your mind is sharp. And . . . you are sexually active, physically and emotionally. With one fell swoop, breast cancer for those not yet forty can undo all of that.
In all honesty, just before breast cancer my libido was waning already we had 3 kids under 4 at that point. Now the kids are more grown and not wearing me out so much, but where is my sex drive? I'll be 3 years out this September and I (and my husband) have been cutting me much slack. I'm not sure how to approach it but have talked to a psychotherapist about it. She said I shouldn't be so hard on myself. At what point should I try harder? And what should I try? I usually put off his advances and he doesn't force the issue, and then I feel guilty. We tried watching porn a few times which got me going a bit (but what a crutch!) and it got him too excited so he went way too fast (then he felt bad and now worries he won't perform)! I guess we are lucky that we are best friends as well as lovers, but I'd like to get the sex thing figured out. We are kind of a mess.
Anne M.
I really love sex. It was rough during treatment when I lost my libido due to menopause. Things came back slowly though; my husband is very understanding. Fortunately for me he was never a "boob man." One thing that has changed though: in almost 3 years since my mastectomy, I have never had sex with my shirt off. I don't think either of us is comfortable with it. But so what? My remaining breast is saggy from children so I guess I'd be self-conscious anyway : )
BCWarrior
I also won't have sex without a shirt on and I always ask if he wants me to put my other breast on so he can have two to touch. He always says no.
april 4 us
I was enjoying my sex life very much and since my husband is 8 years younger than me he always had a high sex drive. The chemo put me in menopause and the tamoxifen keeps me there. I have absolutely no desire for sex anymore but pretend that I do for my husband's sake. I have to use KY Jelly and now get frequent yeast infections because of the dryness problem. My husband is wonderful and patient and when I comment on all of my scars making me look like Frankenstein he gets mad at me and tells me that I am still beautiful. We do still cuddle a lot and spoon in bed so we always have the sexual connection, we just don't always make love. I don't think that my self-esteem would be as intact if I did not have him. We have a great relationship and friendship. Besides, it's hard to have a sex life with two teenagers in the house!
flower girl
If truth be told, I feel sorry for my husband because he is a 32-yearold man who has had to learn all the ins and outs of breast cancer. I know that marriage is in sickness and in health but I just wish we didn't have to face the sickness part so soon.
Lauren